Day o33.

Today was the day to #rockthewalk. I prepared the stroller with snacks, drinks, and got ourselves layered up for different bouts of weather.

In San Jose, there is a the Guadalupe River Walk (which I’m now reading isn’t complete yet). We started at Almaden Lake, and got about 2.5 miles out before looping back and around the lake.

It felt great to get out, and get these steps in. I do need to repair our jogger stroller, as rocky terrain doesn’t do well with out current stroller.

How I’m Feeling

I’m noticing differences in my appearance and energy. I feel much better about how I look, and am even surprised when I see the change over night sometimes. My stomach appears to be shrinking and deflating. I finally have the stomach I had before pregnancy (which was still over weight).

On the weekends is when I plan to #rockthewalk. That means hitting up a a walk or trail for a total of 4 – 5 miles, and get those steps in before noon. If I’m feeling ultra energized, possibly go for a mile run, or an additional walk solo.

I’m looking at my wardrobe and already knowing that I won’t be able to wear much of it longer. This coming week, I’m going to purge summer clothes that I am not wanting to keep, and start to minimize the amount of laundry in this house.

Day o32.

Approaching the weekend, there is alot to think about. My husband’s birthday is next Monday, and this weekend if like to make it special. Last my father’s passing over shadowed his birthday, and much more. I was a total wreck.

He has requested an apple pie, and it’s going out isn’t keto lol. I’m going to make my first pie for him, and hope it comes out well. Pumpkin pie is more my thing, but it’ll be interesting to not have a slice with him in celebration.

We’ve been discussing his cooking more to help offset my load at home. We both work and both take care of our daughter. He’s been watching videos and reading to see what he can cook that we can all enjoy. We watched a few videos last night, and after researching the carbs, there was a bit of food he put on the veto list.

NSV

I have a gray sweater dress I bought last holiday season, that I absolutely love. Since it’s been colder, I’ve been itching to wear this dress. After putting it on today, it doesn’t fit at all. The chest is over sized now, and I had to keep adjusting to not expose myself at work. Eventually, a red scarf was worn over the negligee.

I’m happy and sad about this NSV. On the positive side, it means I’m going in the right direction, which is over all healthier. The sad side is that many of my favorite items will be obsolete as I continue to shrink down.

The though crossed my mind that I should get my absolute favorites altered with me so I can continue to wear them. I’m sure they won’t look right as time goes on, or the cost will be more than the item is valued.

I’m going to hold of on buying new clothes for myself as long as possible. This past summer I went a bit overboard with clothes, though I was still trying to slim down then.

How I’m Feeling

In my office today, was hectic for me. Between two clients with ultra high needs, and a caregiver needing assistance for re-evaluation, my day was all tied up. I clocked in over 10,000 steps by the time it was 5 pm. I did go on my daily lunch walk with my colleagues. My friend who at first was having a time adjusting to our previous food habits, has now adopted the habit of walking on lunch for pokemon, and eating at the end of the break period like me.

I’m so thankful for those who continue to support me, and rally behind me. I was paid many compliments on my changing figure, and my overall mental well being. My husband has validated me with my goals, and reassures me time and again he will love me for me at any size.

There is a huge part of me that is conditioned to not lose the weight because of how the excess, flab of skin is going to look. I mentioned in a post before that one goal is to feel confidence and sexy when I wear lingerie. That is weighing in my now, know there will be an apron, and droops all around. It’s already hard enough having to push filled tummy and thighs around when being intimate.

I could cry to be honest. A lot of my identity is wrapped up in being obese, or even just “fat”. There is alot of work that I need to do, and find a strong support network to ensure that I am still who I am on the side, though the outside will eventually look dramatically different in a few months/years time.

Mental health and trauma play such a big role in bad habits. If it weren’t for those life experiences, I would be a different person with a different body and a different mindset. But because those things happened, I’m working with sexual abuse, physical abuse, and physiological abuse traumas. And that is all from ages 0 – 13.

When I was a teenager, I already weighted 175lb at 13 years old, and 200 by 16. I was pushing 250 lb by 18. My identity is wrapped up in these layers and pounds of fat. What happens when you are no longer that big, and don’t have a clue on what else to do with your life. There has always been a focus on the need to change and be healthier, weight less, not have such a large layer of fat.

I remain hopeful with all these heavy thoughts weighing in my. But with 20lbs off from my highest, I can rest assured the thoughts don’t weight as much as the pounds.

Day o31.

287.1! And the scale is moving again. Currently still eating clean on keto, and not missing out on anything. My body feels like it’s thanking me for it too by not having stomach issues after all the heavy cheeses and creams.

Today was a low movement day as I was hosting a large event on Zoom for work, plus back to back calls. I really needed to eat my lunch and relax, as my head was really hurting. I still feel like it is because it’s not getting enough potassium. I am working on using more “No salt”, but in large amounts it’s gag worthy.

It may not be recognizable, but between these two photos, there is more joy in my eyes. I haven’t been wearing make up, so these comparison photos fit for context.

How I’m Feeling

Tomorrow is another day for me to get back out there, and step it out. I just purchased Suzanne Ryan’s “Beyond Simply Keto” for more inspiration, and to try new things.

Day o30.

Hello Day 30! Today is a special day. It’s the first full month of going strictly keto and keeping my net carbs under 30 (consistently). I now weigh at 298.8

It was a busy day at work, and slightly more physical than usual. After a morning of busting a sweat preparing bags of groceries to give to families for Thanksgiving, I sat down to enjoy my lunch. Almost immediately after eating, I started feeling tired.

When I realized this, I said I needed to get up and go for a walk. My two colleagues accompanied me on a quick .5 mile walk near our office. We finished in about 15 minutes.

How I’m feeling

Recently, I’ve been noticing I’m not getting as much potassium, even with the supplements. I really need to find more ways to incorporate it, or take a mix.

Since it’s the first month, and a weekly weigh in, let’s look at the comparisons!

All I can say is, Hell Yeah! The last measurements I took vs this week show another average decrease of about .5 inches all around. Be sure to check the measurement tracker to see the process each month.

Day o29.

Last week, I worked over time. Today I’m taking the time I worked and using it for errands and walking. I walked a mile in historic St. James Square catching Pokemon after daycare drop off. Afterward, I returned a jacket I bough in late September as I was swimming in it.

After that, I mailed my steps and mile goal for the day. I went to Almaden Lake Park and did 2 laps walking around the park. By the time I was finished, I had enough time to shower, and clock in for work.

I feel accomplished with my day. My husband is going to make Keto Scotch Eggs for dinner, and I prepared mock sous vide egg bites”.

How I’m feeling

A slight tip of the scale. I’m now 288.9, but find when I eat or drink, I’m hovering in 299.5.

Though the scale is hardly budging, my measurements say so much more. Check out the measurements page for November’s first check in.

Day o28.

It’s been a busy start to the week. I’ve begun looking for different walking routes for Pokemon Go on my lunch break at the office.

With last night’s argument, I feel a bit defeated. In some ways I know he supports me, but with comments that I could watch our daughter while I’m cooking and measuring (which takes longer than before), made me feel like he thinks I’m not doing enough, or that my measuring is unnecessary.

Later that day, he called and offered to take the responsibility of some household tasks. He offered to make dinner, but as none of us are, except my daughter, there was left overs for him to have.

How I’m feeling

I’m wearing my work shoes to the office so my lunch walks will go without a hitch. As we are not seeing clients in person, it’s not necessary to always be dressed up.

I hit 10,000 by the end of my shift, and called it a day. No change of the scale either. I’ve been doing clean keto this week. Check in will be this Wednesday, so we’ll see what the results are. Also, I am going to add my measurement update for November in the measurements page.

Day o27.

The day was well spent as a family. Together, we walked a mile and enjoyed lunch outside and distanced at the plaza we love near. I enjoyed a burger (protein style) at 5 guys.

Unfortunately the day went south as it became night time. The stress of keeping the household together, and a comment made about how long it takes to good turned into a shouting match (mostly my shouting). The effort I feel I put don’t feel recognized.

I don’t have much else to say.

How I’m Feeling

We’re going to try switching up where my spouse will cook dinner. He is a bit impatient with the having the measure everything out, and modify the recipes so they are keto friendly.

Day o26.

I totally kicked today’s butt. I not only stepped it up in the morning by walking 3 miles with my family, I also did an additional mile by half run/walk for the first time in 4 years. I’m not near the shape I will be in to do the whole mile running, but it is a start.

Today was also day one of clean keto. I’m following a simple sheet of approved clean foods, and an example plan. I did modify it as I didn’t have time to prepare everything, and clean house, and parent.

Still needing to find the balance within it all, or I’m worried one or two aspects will go down the tubes.

How I’m feeling.

Excited to start this real week with a fresh start. I think it is also attainable as I didn’t have to meal prep to far in advance. Yesterday’s cream cheese filled day really got my stomach in a bunch last night.

The scaled hasn’t moved just yet. In time, we’ll see how it goes.

Day o25.

All free really reading through clean vs dirty keto, I’m going to trial clean keto for a week (to the best of my abilities and time). I’m also going to follow a meal plan from another person who claims they dropped 5 lbs in a week after stalling. We’ll see how it goes.

This decision came after a day’s work of fat loading, eating over calories, and feeling discomfort in my abdomen. I’m afraid some days like cheese and other dairy not only stalls me, but is causing pain. Also, if I can do better for my body, I will.

It’s still so new to me, and every one does things differently. I’ve been watching tiktok keto recipes and find them either loaded with dairy, or bland. I tried the bell pepper and cream cheese and can deal with it, but it’s not my favorite.

How I’m feeling

Aside from work stress of completing a project with a timeline that jumped 2 days, I’m managing. Most days, I am beat from my day, and am letting household chores slip. I need to find a balance.

I’m going to aim for 5 miles tomorrow, and 1 of them from running. Til then…

Day o24.

Today, I may have went over my net carbs just a bit…👌🏻ok, I kept it under 30g. That’s still a low carb diet. My meals incorporated more vegetables and cream cheese. What is insane is how full I got. Most of the time, my meal was saved for my next meal.

I did go for a walk on my lunch, and told myself I need to walk just a hair faster than normal. We’ll, I shaved 5 minutes off my normal time. Before I know it, I’ll be jogging, then running. Speaking of, I tried the shoes I ordered a few weeks ago, and they now fit without pinching me. Not only do I have running shoes, but my new walking shoes came in today as well. I think it has to do with water retention, and losing or 15lbs.

How I’m feeling

I had a bit of a flub at the end of my work day, which sent me into a anxious frenzy, like the white rabbit running late. I made me realize that I haven’t had a depressive or anxious episode in so long.

This is such a big deal. I hadn’t even thought about that. I have been focusing on the later half of this month as it will be 1 year since my father passed away. I do not know how I can get through the day. Earlier I had to search for photos in my cloud, and I kept seeing quick glimpses of photos of him and I would quickly scroll. I don’t know how to deal just yet. His ashes are in my closet, and I always look up and feel discomfort or dread.

I’m hopeful that as time passes, I won’t spiral into the dark places I’ve been this past year. I’m hopeful I can drop this unhealthy weight, and extend my life expectancy. I hope that I can be the person I need to be for myself, and my family.